At 1:30 in the Morning It’s Time For Some Random Babbling, Venting, and Some Good News Too.

Right now I should probably be asleep, but unfortunately I can’t seem to shut my brain off long enough to drift into those dream cycles.

Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of stressful issues including my throat problem. That being said I received a notification from the ENT doctor staying that my biopsy results are in and I need to schedule an appointment to discuss my results. I’m really nervous about this. Not only because there was an option for everything was normal and we do not need to schedule a follow up appointment, which was not checked, but also because my dad had esophageal cancer. So now my mind is racing through all of the possibilities of what it could be. The worst part is that I don’t currently have health insurance and I can’t afford to pay for an office visit. So obviously that has been a huge factor in my stress level.

It doesn’t help that I lost my cousin last week. She battled cancer for five years and she just couldn’t fight anymore. She was an amazing person and I will miss her dearly. But she is the second person in the last two years to pass away from cancer. Besides that there is a history on both sides of my family, my dad passed away from cancer. As well as a lot of aunts, uncles, and my grandfather on my dad’s side… it just seems like it’s everywhere lately. And while I’m trying not to let my mind go there, it’s really hard not to.

Aside from that, Kyle finally received his unemployment benefits from his case last year so we were finally able to pay some of our bills down. When we get our taxes we will be able to pay some of them off the rest of the way which is a huge relief! So even though I have one new worry I can at least get rid of one that I’ve had for a while.

I had interviewed for a position with a company I used to work at a few weeks ago, right before everything went crazy… Well I haven’t been keeping up with my phone the way I probably should and missed a call last week for a second interview. I found out today when I finally got around to checking my voice mail.  I am going to attempt to call tomorrow but I’m not sure how far I’ll get.

I guess it doesn’t really matter because once my brother gets a job I will have to take him until he can get another car. I don’t mind doing it though, as long as he’s working. Plus we have some car repairs that we need to take care of so that will be happening this weekend.

I’ll end this post on a happier note though with some of my god news. I went for a little bit of shopping last weekend with my best friend Samantha, we tried on some clothes and I am happy to say that I am offocially in a 1X. Which may not seem like much but coming from a 3X this is huge for me.

If you’ve read my past posts I bought a few dresses over the winter in hopes that I could fit into them by spring. Well after my shopping trip I figured I would try them on since they were a 1X as well, and to my surprise they fit wonderfully! I will post pictures when it’s warm enough to wear them, but I didn’t really expect them to fit so well, they were skin tight when I bought them.

Hopefully I’ll be in need for some new summer clothes, I’ll let you know when I dig them out for the season! I just need to stay focused and keep going. I’ll get there. It may not always be the way I planned and it may take longer than I expect, I’ll fall off and get back up, but I will get to where I want to be someday 🙂

Getting all of that of my chest really helped, I may be able to get some sleep now. Thanks for listening and  goodnight!


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